I am to powerful to be defeated or over come. Everything happens for a reason. I have yet to learn why.

Barbie Dolls

It’s never too late to start over. Everyone deserves a second chance. Life didn’t come with a instruction manual. Because if it did everyone would be perfect barbie dolls. When i was younger i played with barbie dolls. I thought they were the most perfect thing, that is until i chopped their hair off or ripped their limbs off, but that is a different story. Barbies have a life we all seem to want. Which i have yet to understand why, they’re made of plastic. Does the world want to be known just as plastic barbie dolls? is this really what we’ve come too. Plastic. My use for barbie dolls were to get away from what was going on around me. I could hide in my room and play with them without being bothered by my alcoholic father, my delirious mother, or my brother who didn’t want to be bothered either, he stayed in his room as well playing video games etc. I remember back from the time i was seven years old I’ve had depression. I didn’t know what it was but i could tell something was off, but being a little kid i didn’t know any better. I liked to play outside with my brother and his friends, My cousins. I was active i played a lot, i just never felt right. I never understood until i was 14 what was wrong. When i was 14 i called my mom from a mini vacation with my cousins. I remember telling her how depressed i felt. I don’t understand what made me wait so long to tell her, i guess it was me having to be so far away that i had to tell her that way, because i didn’t know what to expect from her. She had no clue what i was feeling or how long I’d been feeling that way. I remember how she just completely understood and told me we would talk to my doctor. Within a week i was on an antidepressant, I never told my mom what i thought, the way i really felt, the urge to just let it all go, so i don’t have to go through anymore pain. But i don’t think she would understand. I thought maybe these pills could help and i could just keep positive, have positive people around me. I thought i deserved a second chance at life, i could rewire my brain to think positive happy thoughts, i could continue to tell myself that’s it’s not too late for a second chance. I don’t expect the happy barbie ending. With what I’ve dealt with my entire life i just want the feeling of pure happiness. Just for once. Not the fake plastic style, that’s not the life i want to live.

Love, peace, & happiness.



Every blog starts with “I”, I went to through so much, i love the feeling, etc. Personally i find blog boring. But a side of me wants to make an interesting blog about my messed up, unimaginable life. The life of a very broken girl. Broken and bruised, never healed. I will never heal from the hurt i have been through. although it would be great to live a normal life. i don’t think that will every happen.

Love, peace, & chicken grease.